I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Randomize
