Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
