I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
