Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
My vagina just clenched in fear
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
