Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
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