I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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