My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
