I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Randomize
