So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
