You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Randomize
