he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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