you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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