I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
No subtext here. People are naked.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
