I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
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