Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
