pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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