My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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