I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
a search helicopter?!
As shirtless as possible
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Can you bring me the toilet please
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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