I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
he told me I talked like a deaf person
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
