it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
