I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
