i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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