A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
