i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
it was like eating out sand paper
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
