just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I smell like Dick and happiness
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
