the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
