I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Randomize
