I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
