the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
