Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
my poor anus
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
