it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Never let your siblings swipe right.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
