i don't like sucking hair
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
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