So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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