just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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