I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
