hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I pour the whiskey from now on
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