oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
You need Xanax blowdarts
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
My vagina is officially offended.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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