rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
