...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Randomize
