i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
