I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
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There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
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