hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Maybe he injected his testicle?
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
