Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
