If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Randomize
