I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
