I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
