Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
