Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
