hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Randomize
