even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
