bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
