ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
