tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
