I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Randomize
