Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize