the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
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