well I can't set my house on fire every night
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I'm just crazy horny about you
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
we should paint friendship bongs
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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