Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
