Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
