I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
