i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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