Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
God I need to hump something, right now.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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