she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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