Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
You are the jesus of drinking
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
