Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
