marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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