i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
