This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
