i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
