im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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